So here I am, 3:30 in the afternoon, sitting in a freezing hospital recovery room with a pencil in hand and one of those stupid itchy blankets draped over my lap. I'm waiting while my precious baby is having a MRI. She is so brave.
Miss Kat was so brave when I told her that they had to put in an IV. She cried but as soon as it was over, she was fine again. She didn't even complain about not being able to eat all day. she really is amazing. Her little body has been through so much in her life. But still, she is incredibly healthy and strong. Not to mention her special spirit! Miss Kat is brave, sweet, smart and so funny. I would say that I am proud of her, but that would imply that I had something to do with it!
Sometimes I think that we should just leave her alone, that I can't believe I am putting her through this, and now is one of those times. But on the other hand, rewind 90 minutes ago, I took Miss Kat up to the audiology department and showed her the Advanced Bionics earpieces and implants. I was sure then. I knew this was right. But now, as they took her limp body from my arms, now it's so scary. I'm here, alone and cold, and so frightened for her. I can't hear her babbling, reminding me that she wants to speak. I can't see her shaking a toy next to her ear signing"listen!" to remind me that she wants to hear, that she misses sounds, and wants them back. I need to remember and I need to be strong...for her.
Now she's back with me again. all wrapped up and asleep. The radiology tech just told me everything looks perfect, she is clear for the implant. I also just realised that the next time I see her sedated, in a hospital bed, she will have the implant inside her. I'm so scared, and now, nauseous. This is a big deal, can I do this to (for) her? I'm terrified, but sure. This is right. I will be strong- for my girl.