I have been wanting to write about something for a little while, but I have paused. I wanted to share something that happened, but I was afraid. I wanted to memorialize something cute that happened with Miss Kat, but I was worried about the reaction of some people. And you know what, I shouldn't. I shouldn't have to edit myself because some loud, angry people will call me names. Why should I care about the opinions of people that I don't even know, who don't know me, or my child? Why should their nastiness cause me to edit what I write? I am not writing this blog for them. This blog is not public so that they can twist my words against me, write posts of their own about me, saying I'm a...(insert offensive overblown term here).
These are members of a community that is supposed to welcome my family and my child. A community that claims to love my daughter and want nothing but the best for her...but, this angry, vocal minority seems to only want her success on THEIR terms. They don't want to accept that perhaps HER path, HER life will be different from theirs. They can not open their minds enough to see the future. They can not see past their hurt and pain to see what the world looks like to kids like Miss Kat. I totally get that there are still kids that are falling through the cracks. I swear I do! But, why does that mean that parents who ARE involved, who ARE making sure their children have language, communicate well, attend good schools, have friends...THRIVE are still getting attacked.
I just don't understand how this helps your cause. How is this turning more families towards ASL? How is this showing the benefits of early language in deaf kids? How is this helping to build better Deaf schools? Raise test scores? Improve literacy? How does hurting parent EVER help deaf kids? I don't know, and frankly, I'm really done caring. Write hurtful comments. Make blog after blog "calling me out". Call me an audist, say I'm obsessed with my daughter's ears, tell me that I'm a Nazi, that I'm killing her spirit. I am done. I KNOW you are wrong. I see my daughter every day. I see the joy when she skips to the front door of her school every morning, and how every afternoon we have to coax her to come home. I see her playing with her friends, I see her giving her teacher, principal and speech therapist big hugs. She tells me that she is happy. Why should I believe you over my child?
I have been advised to make my blog private. They say that it will stop the harrassment. But you know what? I don't want that. I don't want to hide. I want other parents to get support from us and the things we have been through. There aren't very many blogs about kids who have ever used ASL, and there certainly aren't many about late implanted kids. I LOVE reading about other kids, and I know that it helps when I feel down, to see that there are other dedicated, loving parents out there, helping their kids conquer the world. I hope that is what I am to other families. And if I go private, no new families will ever get that chance. So, here we are. I'm not going to stop, and I assume neither will you.
So, good luck, and have a nice life.
26 comments:
Don't let ANYBODY stop you from sharing your life and Miss Kat's!! I'd love to hear what you wanted to share in the first place.
it's your blog. you do whatever you feel is right with your blog.
if you feel you are being repeatedly targeted by certain individuals to the point that you are afraid to write freely without being attacked, may i make a suggestion? that you start blocking these people, whoever they are. nobody has the right to dictate to you how to conduct your writing. if comments are so disruptive or a personal attack, then don't publish them. put your comment section in moderation.
some people may cry censorship. a blog cannot be fairly compared to a newspaper. even the newspapers are selective to what comments they publish. many blogs are already moderated. i had to moderate my blog at times because due to the controversial nature of the topic, personal attacks on other commenters resulted. for a long time, i was reluctant to moderate, even though i was attacked repeatedly. but after a while, the commenters were out of control by going after others.
MZ
Please consider joining and linking to us also: www.ccacaptioning.org
i would like to make a comment to help put things in better perspective. you say the deaf community is supposed to accept you and your daughter. i would like to see that, too. i personally embrace the diversity.
however is it realistic?
is it fair to accuse certain members of the deaf community of not welcoming while members of the hearing community don't welcome them? from where i stand, many hearing people, including the some parents of oral deaf children, reject culturally deaf people. i'm constantly shocked at the treatment some culturally deaf people, especially those who don't speak and hear/lipread, receive. some hearing people show patronizing attitudes, dismissing others and claiming they know more than the deaf people, etc. i even catch some deliberate deceptions promoted by certain oral proponents, which don't help at all.
so in this area, it is best and more fair to look at both sides instead of pointing fingers at one side.
MZ
MZ..
It goes both ways. Who cares??!!
The important thing is that THOSE of us who embrace and welcome diversity continue to do so.
Your comment reeks of fallacy.
Currently you are so pissed that you're trying to get others to be on your side by tweeting all of this, this morning. Grow up, MZ!!!
MKM..
Don't stop.
I see that the twittering about me has already begun. MZ has said that I abuse my child and that is garbage.
She is also saying that I "look down on Deaf people", which is even less true. I EXPLICITLY wrote that it is a small minority who choose to spend their time tearing down and attacking families rather than actually trying to help deaf children.
Don't stop writing Kat. Although I don't come here often... when I do, I enjoy reading your blog. Your views are your own, and not everyone is going to agree.
As it was suggested before, if you are getting alot of abuse. I say its time to Moderate. I do. Don't post stuff where people just want to throw abuse at you.
I had someone who gave trouble to me once, and there is another I have to be aware of too. One got completly blocked. The other, if it's not constructive and instead full of abuse, then I don't air it.
I don't accept anonymous comments either. Wheteher constructive or not. I don't see why people should hide behind that.
I don't give out abuse on my blog. So I certainly don't expect it back.
Keep blogging Kat. Moderate, and block where needed.
No doubt that when you celebrate Miss Kat's progress in learning to hear and speak, there will be a majority of people who will rejoice with you.
There will certainly be people who have qualms about too much being made of oracy and not enough attention given to other developmental milestones such as new skills in reading, math, arts, social skills, etc.
In your mission to spread the word about the "miracle" of the cochlear implant, there is a risk of turning off people who believe other things have greater importance in the future. There are also those who don't hold the view that the implant is as successful as it is said to be.
One also might be concerned that children of advocates could pick up attitudes from the oracy camps that could affect their relationships in the Deaf Community.
Otherwise, go ahead and share as you have been and try to remember that the persistently negative people are in the minority.
Please don't stop writing. There are very few blogs of kids who use ASL, and I love your blog! So sorry that you are getting attacked - I love reading and I really hope you keep writing!
Ignore the haters. Your daughter is clearly flourishing under your care and guidance. Your story continues to be inspirational to me while we sort out X's hearing and communication issues. You were my first contact with JTC who provided us with a life changing experience. I depend on your blog for support and encouragement. I am always so sorry to hear that you are being attacked. Please keep writing. xx
One of the greatest challenges of raising Deaf children is that we, their parents, have to make choices for them that other parents simply can't ever understand. If a child were born with a heart problem, the parent would fix it with no questions asked. If the child were born with a cleft lip, the parent would fix it with no questions asked. Those answers, while they're hard, are pretty much no brainers. In raising a child with hearing loss, there is no "right" answer.
When CJ was born, we were inundated from both sides on what we should do. "If you sign with him, he'll never speak.", said the oralists. "If you teach him to speak or implant him, you're denying him his God-given gift of Deafness." said the Deaf culturalists. What they didn't understand as they threw their biased opinions at us was that they were doing nothing to help us help our son. We needed acceptance, and guidance, and understanding. We needed friendship.
In the end, we gave CJ (and now Liam as well) everything. We signed with both of them from day one and have never looked back. CJ was implanted at 3 years, 8 days old and it has been the miracle he needed. Next month, his other ear will be implanted. Liam has no speech, only sign with awkward sounds come from him. He, too, will be implanted in November. My birth father (who is Deaf) is saddened by our choices as the parents of these two precious children. You know what? Those are his feelings to work out on his own. I can't claim ownership nor responsibility for them.
It comes down to one simple thing. We are all in this life together. We need one another to walk with us by our side as we make these difficult choices that impact the small humans we love so dearly for the rest of their lives.
We are blessed in that we have a close relationship with God and feel that, through prayer, we are able to be led in the right direction. Not everyone has chosen that path, and have to rely on other methods for judging what is best for their children. These parents need love, understanding, and open-mindedness.
It's my hope and prayer that we, as parents of beautiful amazing Deaf children, can someday understand that our common link is much stronger than the areas in which we differ and that we can someday build a circle of support and trust with one another.
Oh really? Uhm, I don't mean to chime in on what you stated -- She spoke exactly like poor Deaf writers write. With that stated, don't expect the people to be going rah-rah in that spirit when it conveys a patronizing perspective, in my opinion.
However, this is America so we all are entitled to our opinions and what-not. So, carry on as you were.
"She spoke like poor Deaf writers write" is not rude? How rude can you be? How about this: You sign like poor Hearing signers sign. Let's see if you cry louder about this. Same difference, dear?
How do I speak?
I speak like excellent Deaf writers write.
How's that?
I have Deaf parents, how's that possible?
Sign language was my first language, is that why?
I wear hearing aids, is that why?
No, it's cuz my mom took me to the library every week.
That's why I speak like excellent Deaf writers write.
Hmmm, have the fluency of sign language early on plus the exposure to sound (CI or HA) along with developing a superb speaking skill sure sounds like a winner to me.
Don't let them worry you, Kat.
What the heck is so wrong with what I wrote?
Are you trying to claim that there are not bad deaf writers?
I did NOT write "dumb deaf people" (because that isn't true and that would be a judgement). I didn't write "ASL users" (because that isn't true either). And I didn't write "oral failures" (because that would imply that not developing oral skills would somehow make someone a failure, which isn't true either).
"She spoke like poor Deaf writers write" targets Deaf people. You could have simply wrote "She spoke like poor writers write".
You actually labeled the Deaf in this statement and it is discriminating and stereotyping the Deaf as poor writers especially thaty ou didn't say "some". If you continue to deny that it is not audistic, then I feel sorry for your daughter.
Keep on going but just look into a more politically correct way to make such statement and respect Deaf people. It goes both ways.
I find this all a bit ridiculous. Grow up people. I just wanted to say that I am grateful I found your blog. I'm a mom of a bilaterally profoundly deaf 14 month old boy and just wanted to find people with whom I could relate with. Your blog was exactly what I was looking for! Thanks for standing up. Maybe consider just closing comments? I've seen other types of blog do the same. Good luck, I'll be reading!
Again, the entire point was that she was speaking in a very specific way, and general "poor writers" don't write the way I was speaking of. I was being very clear. I in no way implied that it was all Deaf people. In fact, I specifically said otherwise. Some people chose to get offended, just like they chose to get all up in arms over Miss Kat saying she heard the toilet set slam closed.
Perhaps she spoke using ASL structure? She has to learn that English is structured differently. Nothing wrong with that. I'm guessing in the heat of the moment you worded it poorly. Don't Mexicans use some sort of Spanish structure while learing English?
You inspired today's blog post. Thank you!!!
www.babyears.blogspot.com
I see some comments, but it seems that miss Kat don't understand herself to figure it out what is your choices to put your child's cochlear Implant to get better sounds. I give you an answer is full of B.S. You know there is no cures in any equiment like CI to be good health. what about Liquids to cause your child's headaches and dizzy. The doctors don't care about your child's health, but wants your money to put Doctor's ass to play golf on their vacations.
Huh?
Ok, I believe MKM's comment about "poor deaf writers" got blown way outta proportion.
If a deaf person learned ASL structure before learning English structure, I can see what MKM may be alluding to. ASL is a visual sign language, not a written one (I know there are now attempts to turn ASL into a written form, but it isn't yet publicly accepted in Deaf culture at this time).
It's somewhat like cobbling English onto sign structure, and such writing is hard to understand. Or kinda like thinking in one's native Spanish, while trying to speak in English. Miss Kat grew up knowing ASL first. She was later implanted, hearing again and acquiring speaking skills. So it's not surprising that her speech starts to mimic the way she signs, that is, it's spoken English words in ASL structure. So, correct me if I'm wrong here.
There's nothing "poor" about it, it's just the way Miss Kat started learning language.
Which is better than no language at all.
She'll do fine, it's amazing how quickly a child's mind can learn.
The word "poor" is what I think got some ppl all up in a lather.
Some deaf writers write English the way they think...in ASL structure. MKM may think it's "poor" but "native" may have been a better choice for a word. As in "native deaf writers".
Sheez...all this to-do over a phrase? :(
Ann C
That is the sad part about the extremist.. They are turning families away from ASL and Deaf Community.. I also have haulted myself from typing things in my blog but anymore I don't care. If you can't respect my thoughts and writing then don't read it!
I think using 'native deaf writers' to refer to people who don't write well in english is far more insulting because it implies that native signers can't write fluent grammatical english! Which is clearly untrue as many do. The writing style we're talking about isn't caused by being a native signer, it's caused by NOT knowing english well.
If someone has poor grammar in their second language, just say they have poor grammar in their second language. That's the most accurate and neutral way of saying it.
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